She writes:
I know I hurt you. But what you're trying to do to me, yes it may hurt me, but what you're looking for, that satisfaction, it's impossible to get from vengeance. I cared for you, i really did. Clearly you don't trust me enough to believe that. I can't do it anymore. I give up. 5 conditions for me to be your friend? Who the hell are you? Who? Cause who i knew, isn't there, or maybe he wasn't there to begin with. You don't need/want my friendship? I have no loss or no gain. Let it all burn. And do you possibly think I need you? Don't make me laugh. It's done. So stop telling stories and asking for advice. 90% of people think you shouldn't forgive me? well 99.99% of me doesn't want to forgive you, but I do anyway. You're no saint either. What you did to me, was really unbearable, really crossing the line. Search for the real reason why you hate me so much, and when you do I hope you find the mature thing to do. And don't give me that mature for your age crap, wake up and stop giving excuses. For the last time, I'm sorry. Forgiveness is your decision to make, your peace to find. At the end of the day, I've done my part on apologizing, and I have forgiven you. I have found peace in God and myself, my job is done. I'm gone. Wish you all he best.
But in some cases, talking is the problem. Talking it out, the person may not respond the way you expect the person to. It ends up in anger. In my case, that person keeps coming back and blowing everything up in my face. I don't know what he expects. I really don't. But all i know is i really want to just forget about it. Reminding me of how I disappointed you, which I have heard about 10 times, isn't going to change anything. And no, I'm not feeling guilty. Appreciation is earned. Can't be forced. Takes time too. So if you find you keep feeling angry, i can't help you. That's up to you. I'm doing fine by the way, sorry if i disappointed you, but I'm happy now. Haunt me all you want, think you're the only one who doesn't care? Be a friend and I'll be a friend to you. That's all I have to say to you. If you're not interested in saying something edifying just don't say anything at all. In your case you think I have to deserve the last chance. Well the last chance you gave me, think twice about which category it's in. Try looking into the "payback" or "demanding" or "forcing" category, hint big enough? And yes, I'm extremely judgmental.
ok,by the time you read this post i think we wont be in school anymore...so here it goes ...i know im no saint ..i know i was wrong from the way i treated you.but i did all that only for one reason ..i just wanted you show me that you at least appreciated me thats all .a simple thank you ..thats all .....but you couldnt do it ....
and you said appreciation was earned ...dont tell me i didnt do anything to try and earn your respect and trust ...anyways ...we will just go what you say ...im a not a guy and im useless ...but oh well thats the truth right like you said the truth hurts right .....
well here is the truth .....when i said i loved you i meant it ....eventhough you dumped me i hated you so much but i said i will be your friend to end and thats the truth.....you wanted me to tell you the truth so here it is .....i never did hate you at all ...neither have i judge you ....from what i see i wasnt a good enough friend , guy or anything for you ....so you got what you want right you wanted him to came back .....so here he is .....telling you everthing inside him ......i really wanted to forgive but now since when you said i dont know your real side ....you said i wouldnt want anythin to do with if i knew ....maybe you were right .....
you said to how can you appreciate someone if they hate you so much ......then let me say this HOW CAN I KEEP COMING BACK AND BACK AND BACK AFTER YOU KEEP HURTING ME .........so ill take all the blame ......you think i would throw the book .....no way .....you know cause i appreciate the book .so dont try and come teach me how to be a friend ....cause i know how to be one.so yea .......ill admit im wrong .....and ill just with everything you say about me ok .........
everything ok......now ill let you be .....your the right one .......
Sunday, August 10, 2008
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